Sometimes twins aren’t born at the same time

I stood in the spring sunshine adamantly telling my husband that our son had “to have a sibling”. There wasn’t a lot of logic to my words, we had just been through a failed IVF round but somewhere in my bones I just knew that there was a piece missing and it was something that was going to be very important to my son.

I now have the knowledge of why it was so important when I see the closeness of my two boys.

I often look out at them playing together in the yard, so caught up in their own world and other than the size difference it’s hard to believe they aren’t really twins. The question I get asked most often is “do they ever fight?” because it seems to the outsider that they really don’t. And the truth is that is pretty rare and when it does happen it over so quickly and usually a result of one of them being tired more than a dislike of each other.

My boys are born exactly 2 years and 9 months apart, both on the 12th of the month. With my first I was in labour for what I jokingly call “business hours” 9am – 5pm. Given that second babies are often born quicker I requested “school hours” and he must have listened because he was born in the early afternoon.

Homebirth baby

We were very fortunate with our first ivf cycle and we were blessed with our beautiful son. IVF can mess with you physically and emotionally so it was like the best gift from the universe. We were also lucky enough to be able to freeze 3 other embryos for later use.

When we went back to try for number 2 we opted for a “natural” cycle as I was still feeding our eldest. I remember sitting in the doctors office while he tried to convince us to wean him instead, declaring that we were greatly reducing our chances. And maybe he was write our first go was unsuccessful but with the second we were fortunate enough to have Reuben.

Now I wonder if that first cycle was successful would my children have a different relationship, were we always destined to wait for the next one?

I love the numbers and the patterns they make and I have always been kind of chuffed that both boys were born on the 12th of the month, often joking “I only have babies on the 12th”.

It wasn’t until the youngest was about a year old that it clicked that both boys share the same numerology number. In essence this should mean they share the same personality traits, however even though they are super close they are so different in their personalities.

Thinking about it, it occurred to me that they show the same traits as twins, they are like 2 sides of the same coin. Which makes complete sense given they were essentially conceived at the same time, the youngest was just frozen for 2 years, suspended in time until he could join us.

 

My eldest is more introverted and the youngest is more extroverted. The youngest is much stronger willed though lucky for me he will generally follow what his brother does so I just have to get the eldest on side first!

It’s like they share out all the traits and take a portion each. I have never experienced brothers who get along so well as these two especially being separated by almost three years.

One morning, my 2 year old woke up, spotted his brother and say “There’s Harry, he is my best friend” and that really sums it up. I often ask Harry if  he wants to make more friends and his response is usually “I just want to play with Reuben”. They would happily just play together all day long. I can see that as they grow older they will have an inseparable bond that extends past being brothers.

I have had people ask me whether I wish I had a girl or whether I would “go back” for one. I truly don’t know if their relationship would have been the same if one had been a girl, I suspect it wouldn’t have.

Do your kids have a special bond or relationship that you didn’t expect?

Photos courtesy of Belle Verdiglione and Cath Britton

2 thoughts on “Sometimes twins aren’t born at the same time

  1. That is so gorgeous and love they are little buddies. Mine are little buddies and talk about how they miss each other when the other is not around, it makes my heart sing.

    1. It’s so special isn’t it Julie. Harry often goes and checks on Reuben if he goes to sleep first and makes sure he has enough stuffed toys lol

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